Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They took my balls.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
