I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
