when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
