In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
