I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
