whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
