i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
