i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
