I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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