I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
