I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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