Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I touched a dick in church today
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
