And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Randomize
