just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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