just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
