So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
