im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
