I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
this hospital has no fireball
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
