I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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