Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
