I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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