Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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