id be glad to
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Randomize
