I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
