Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
