We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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