i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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