your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
