I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
