The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
