I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
