Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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