Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
