you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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