I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I look better un-naked...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
