I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
