Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
