he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
