I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
