I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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