Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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