You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
