I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
