friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
