i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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