I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
