You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
