he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
