Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
