Buhtt sex?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
