carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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